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. Whether they were manipulative, emotionally draining, or constantly undermining your self-worth, letting go of someone who brought more harm than good often takes more than just time. It takes intention, healing, and a fair dose of self-love.
If you’re struggling to move on from a toxic relationship, know that you’re not alone , and you can come out the other side stronger, wiser and more grounded in your worth. Here's how to start that journey.
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Acknowledge the Harm They Caused
The first step in healing is being honest with yourself about what you went through. It’s tempting to romanticise the good moments, especially when you’re feeling lonely or doubting your decision. But if someone consistently disrespected you, gas lit you, or made you feel small, it’s important to validate those experiences. Don’t downplay your pain. You’re not being dramatic. You’re being real.
Cut Off Contact (For Real)
No closure text. No “checking in”. No watching their Instagram Stories late at night. Toxic exes often thrive on keeping a thread of connection, just enough to make you doubt your progress or question your strength. Block Them if you have to. Silence their number. Create space, not to punish them, but to protect you.
Let Go of the Guilt
Toxic relationships can leave you feeling responsible for everything, the arguments, their unhappiness, the eventual breakup. But healing begins when you realise: you’re not to blame for someone else’s emotional immaturity. You left because it was hurting you. That is not weakness. That is self-respect.
Rediscover Who You Are Without Them
Toxic relationships often chip away at your identity. Maybe you stopped doing things you loved. Maybe you dimmed yourself to avoid conflict. Now’s the time to reconnect with your true self.
Pick up Hobbies you abandoned. Spend time with friends who make you feel light. Dress how you want. Speak freely. Laugh loudly. Remember what it feels like to be you again.
Seek Support, You Deserve It
You don’t have to do this alone. Talk to a therapist. Confide in a trusted friend. Join a support group. The pain you carry deserves a space to be processed, not shoved into a drawer and ignored. Healing isn’t linear, and it’s not a solo mission. Let people hold you up when it feels too heavy to stand.
Stop Waiting for Closure
Sometimes, closure never comes in the form you want. Toxic exes rarely offer accountability, and they may even try to rewrite history. Waiting for them to apologise or admit fault only delays your peace. The real closure? It comes when you realise you don’t need it from them.
Focus on the Life You’re Creating — Not the One You Left Behind
You’ve already taken the hardest step: walking away. Now, imagine what your life could look like with that emotional weight lifted. More joy. More calm. More authenticity. The best revenge isn’t anger or bitterness, it’s peace. It’s thriving. It’s not even thinking about them anymore.
Getting over a toxic ex isn’t just about forgetting them, it’s about Reclaiming Yourself. It’s choosing to stop bleeding for someone who never even brought a plaster. It’s remembering that you are worthy of respect, of tenderness, of love that doesn’t come at a cost.
You’re not broken. You’re rebuilding. And one day, you’ll look back at this version of you heart bruised but still beating, and be so proud you didn’t settle. Because you deserve so much more.
Issued on Glamour (South Africa) by Sindeka Mandoyi | https://www.glamour.co.za/wellness/love-relationships/how-to-heal-after-a-toxic-relationship-and-reclaim-your-power-d87c6a89-b552-4d96-bd4d-26c6f3365038
